Quiet on set… was it too quiet?

Many of us have childhood memories involving Nickelodeon, I for one remember cozying up in front of the tv to watch kids just like me on tv, making me laugh.  Watching Quiet on Set, changes and challenges all those memories.  

I don’t remember the sexual innuendos that these kids had to act out, probably because it went right over my head.  I never really thought about kids my own age working, having financial responsibilities for their families.  Nor did I think about the impact on their own wellbeing, being in these roles would have.  

Watching this documentary, and hearing not only about the environments, the pressure, but some of the specific actresses, such as Amanda Bynes, and knowing how challenging her life became as an adult, makes me see these child actors and all those shows of my childhood, differently.  But a stand out of this documentary was the man behind much of these shows, and the “slimy” actions, comedy, and scripts, Dan Schneider.  This man was behind many of the shows of my childhood, was evil and volatile towards not only the child actors but also the adults who worked on the shows. 

For many parents watching their children become successful is the height of parenting goals fulfilled! We all think of our children as special and talented, but few of them actually get to become famous at such a young age. While there is a lot of parenting advice out there, there is little to prepare a parent for the dangers lurking behind those kids that stand out.

If you watched the Quiet on Set docuseries, then you have heard Mr. Joe Bell’s first-hand account of his experience as a parent manager who was pushed out by his son Drake Bell’s voice coach Brian Peck through the grooming process. 

Grooming is defined as the method perpetrators use to gain the trust of a child and their caregiver to minimize the risk of detection. Such methods include paying excessive attention to one specific child, isolating the child from their parents or other involved adults, expanding their role in the child’s life (in this case moving from voice coach to manager), touching the child which starts innocently (hugging, shoulder touching) and progresses to sexual contact, and allowing and encouraging the child to participate in activities their parents wouldn’t normally allow (drinking/other drug use). (safekidsthrive.org)

While not an all-encompassing list, awareness of these behaviors can be utilized in preventing abuse from occurring. So what if you missed the initial signs? How would you know that your child has been abused? There is a litany of behaviors that accompany victims of abuse, but most importantly, is to notice the changes in your child. There can be sudden shifts in mood, sleep issues, decreased school performance, aversion to touch, self-harm, and substance use. (childabuse.stanford.edu).

If you suspect or can confirm that your child is at risk of or has been a victim of abuse, there are ways that you, the parent, can still help. Trust your gut!!! Do not be afraid to voice your concerns. Get involved. Make a nuisance of yourself. Your child will need a powerful advocate to get them out of a dangerous situation. Have the uncomfortable conversations with your children. Teach them the warning signs of abusers, challenge any misinformation that may have been used against them for control, and validate their fears and concerns. Most importantly, seek out a professional counselor who is experienced with childhood trauma who can be instrumental in confirming abuse, safety planning with you and your family, addressing the trauma, and initiating legal involvement with the perpetrator. 

Thinking about all the child actors of the past and currently, and what they’ve experienced, how some of the parents felt they didn’t want to or could speak up about what the observed in fear their child would loose their spot on the show, is really sad.  The workers on the shows, behind the scenes also experiencing abuse, inappropriate actions, sexual favors being requested for enhancing their roles on the show.  In addition to grooming of these young actors, the abuse, inappropriate workplace actions, and control being executed over others was rampant.  

Anyone who this documentary resonates with, has experienced any time of trauma/abuse or a victim of grooming, should reach out for professional help.